Does Your Confidence Propel or Sabotage You?

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience

in which you really stop to look fear in the face.

You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror.

I can take the next thing that comes along.’

Eleanor Roosevelt

I am woman hear me roar, or are you gumming yourself through life? There are two kinds of confidence a person may embrace. One comes from a strong, quiet strength and the second type comes from a fear-based confidence.

Quiet confidence is an inner strength that does not have to be talked about or placed on a résumé; it shows in a person’s demeanor. These are the people who do not have to shove their opinions down people’s throats. They do not need to scream from the rooftops their ideas or beliefs; it is demonstrated in their day-to-day choices, how they handle situations, and how they manage stresses. When you spend time with these people, you walk away feeling as if you were the only person they came to see. They give energy because they have it to give. They inspire because they are inspired. They are the ones who can find joy in any situation, or at the very least they can turn a negative into a positive. Quiet confident people are on-purpose people. They have learned from the past and are moving forward. They have an attitude that says, “Been there; done that; I’ll do it again.” They operate from an offensive position.

One of the differences between confident women and those who lack confidence is experience. Once you have walked through tough situations, you have the knowledge to know how to deal with it, which breeds confidence for future similar events.

Things confident, strong women NEVER do:

  • Gossip. They understand that dimming others’ lights does not make their light shine brighter.
  • Judgmental. They understand everyone has a story and even if it’s not the best, they’re quick to be equipping and inspiring.
  • Blame others. No one wins at the blame shifting game.
  • Self-deprecating talk. Words are powerful. Negative talk about yourself creates a downward esteem spiral. Bite your tongue, if you must, to avoid self-defeating words.  
  • Control every situation. The need to control every situation means the confidence is originating from a place of fear and is rarely positive.
  • They do not judge others. They are comfortable enough to have room for a wide variety of people.
  • They are not attention seeking. There is a difference between being outgoing, and enjoying life, and doing things that intentionally draw attention to themselves. They show genuine interest in others rather than talking about just themselves. They engage others in conversation.
  • Bragging is not their style. If there’s bragging to be done, they let others do it.
  • They are not drama queens. They have learned not to over complicate things. Confident women act rationally and do not feel a need to run the show by their emotions.
  • Attitude down. Confident women rarely project an attitude as their first line of communication. They can give birth to one when situations call for it, but they do not camp there.
  • Failure does not frighten them. They understand that failing means you are trying, so they embrace the effort, fail, adjust and try again.
  • They do not break their word or find it necessary to lie. They have assessed the situation, answer slowly, and then respond in order to avoid cover-ups or breaking their commitments.
  • Waste time- Confident women understand the true cost of time and that people matter most. They spend their time wisely to place people at the top of their priority list.
  • They do not live in the past. Strong women appreciate that there is nothing that can be done to change the past, and worry doesn’t change anything, so they move forward.
  • Negative. Confident women have learned to avoid negative people, places, and energy. They are aware that limit time in negative situations is the best way to protect themselves.

Things confident women do:

  • They understand and embrace their strengths and gifting. They make a daily effort to place themselves in jobs, relationships and circumstances that utilize their specific aptitudes.
  • They make a point of assessing their weaknesses and seek out opportunities to build them into strengths.
  • They cherish their friends and families, but they make a point of spending time alone. They have learned how to be their own good company. There is value in entertaining yourself and being alone with your thoughts. We all need time when we are free of others’ expectations and demands.
  • They accept their own body image. It is one thing to be health conscious and to take care of yourself first in order to be there for others, but more importantly strong women know how to embrace their own uniqueness. There is more to worry about in life than hair color and thigh size.
  • They may be victims, but they do not stay there. They actively pursue what it takes to move through the event. They do not give away their power.
  • They take time for themselves. You cannot give away what you don’t have yourself.
  • They embrace change. Rather than complain that things are different, they look for the positive in the new adventure.
  • They do not waste time on things they can’t control. They accept the uncontrollable items and make a path around the obstacles.
  • They are kind and practice good manners.
  • They work hard to have others feel important.

For more like this and the included workbook pages check out Dare To Be A Badass Book!