“Be a first-rate version of yourself,
not a second-rate version of someone else.”
And with everyone’s crazy schedules….the vote is to start at 7:30 pm (PST) Wed. Nights This should make it easier for everyone to get dinner and kid baths done! 😊
The badass lifestyle is a life lived to the best of who you are designed to be. When all the parts line up, we are influential, proactive, and intentional. We respond rather than react and make decisions from seeing the whole picture. A badass woman knows her boundaries, her personality type, her priorities and her worth. She understands her strengths and weaknesses and uses them to the best of her ability. She does not apologize for who she is, she does not move through life haphazardly, and does not live life putting out fires because she is not prepared.
There is a peace in knowing who you are, and what your purpose is. You can accept or decline distractions dressed up like opportunities. Understanding who you are creates a confidence that destroys the need to be a people-pleaser or living your life by the seat of your pants.
Living on purpose means we need to explore, understand, and accept our personality traits, our unique talents and gifts and understand our limitations.
Are you a high energy person? Or do you need to pace yourself more? Are you a morning person or a night owl? This might sound strange but knowing when your energy is at its highest or lowest can make a huge difference in your productivity.
For instance, I front load my week, then wind down toward the weekend. I could work out in the morning, but it is never the intensity that I can perform mid-afternoon. I must be careful that my day does not push into my self-care but the idea of sweating first thing in the morning is abhorrent to me.
I am most productive later in the day. Once all my household jobs are done, I can dig into my creative side. Forcing myself to work outside my energy level can cause me to spend an hour doing a ten-minute job. Likewise, working long hours on a Friday means I am trudging through burn out hours. My clients know I am not available from noon on Friday until 9am Monday morning. It took me a long time to figure this out about myself, but it has paid off tremendously.
“Wanting to be someone else
is a waste of the person you are.”
Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Neither is right or wrong but knowing who you are helps to determine what job, social activities, energy expenditures you have in you. Instead of fighting yourself, you can begin to plan your social strategies.
Covid-19 locked us all at home to stay safe. For many, lock-down was a relief and long needed projects got finished. But for others staying home felt like a prison sentence. Isolation for an extrovert is painful. Understanding our natural personality bents can go a long way to internal peace.
Discovering who you are helps to set boundaries that builds your gifts to a finely tuned asset.
If you are an extrovert, you are most comfortable in group settings gathering friends to you. You gain energy being in group activities. Being around people makes you feel alive and skipping home missing them the moment they are out of your site. You limit your alone time and are the one who most often keeps a group together through events and communication.
If you are an introvert, you are comfortable on your own. You do not feel a pressing need to be ‘involved’ in groups. You are much more selective about who you spend time with and how often. You love people but social events drain you. Introverts are good company for themselves and covet entire days alone. They love people but will not be skipping home if they have too many group social activities on the calendar.
Introverts do not understand extroverts’ needs to be signed up for several activities a week. And extroverts can feel rejected by an introvert when they do not want to join in as often.
Then there are the blends of both. An introvert that gains energy from perhaps teaching or speaking to groups, loves people, but will need a couple days of solace following group events. An extrovert will be bored silly with too much down time and will be looking for the next thing they can do. The world needs both, but we need to know which we are.
I am an introvert with a passion for people. ßodd combination huh? I am built to want to ‘fix’ situations and can clearly see the steps between where people are and where they tell me they want to be. At times, I wish I could turn this ‘gift’ off, but it is knit into the very fiber of who I am. For me, being in a group of people often can be exhausting because I wrestle between helping and reining in this skill. I do far better in one-on-one conditions and ‘one-to-many’ situations. I used to think there was something wrong with me when I avoided group settings and large social gatherings until I discovered my personality strengths. I need alone time to recharge and caring about people is a strength that needs boundaries.
Introverts have a several tiered circle of relationships. Imagine if you will a bullseye. The first circle closest to the center is reserved for intimate relationships (your husband, your kids, your family, –they have instant access to you). The next wider circle is for close relationships—your close friends, trusted associations. The next wider circle is for associations and contacts. They maybe people you work with, clients, people you like but would not vacation with. An introvert’s first and second circle are limited, and then grows larger as you move out to the outer rings. Where the extrovert differs is their second circle of influence maybe much larger—perhaps the size of the introverts 3 and 4th rings.
Again, there is nothing wrong with either, but understanding who you are will help determine what areas of service and involvement will make you happy.
Right brain or left brain?
Understanding your dominate thinking power is vital to determining what kinds of jobs and activities will find you at your best. Right brain dominant people tend to be creative, concept people. They need their souls fed and find various was to solve that hunger. They tend to be less organized, or goal driven. You have often heard them called B-type personalities or laid-back individuals.
Left brain people tend to be planners, organizers and lovers of math, science, logic, and order. They are typically goal driven. They are more likely disciplined and enjoy tackling difficult problems for the joy of finding a solution. They desire having a purpose and striving for it. They are often called A-type personalities.
Again, neither are right or wrong, but understanding which you are can explain a lot to you or go a long way to understanding others you associate with. Attempting to be something you are not will only frustrate you and cause you to miss-step decisions. For example: An A type person would be a good choice for organizing and administrating where a B type individual might be overwhelmed by the same position. A B-type personality could be amazingly comfortable in an unstructured situation and not feel a need to ‘fix’ or organize it. It is painful for an A-type person to ‘fly by the seat of their pants’, they want to know the end goal, time limit and resources available so they can plan. We need both individuals.
Seasons in a woman’s life
The saying goes, “Age is just a number.” I believe it is more than that, it is a state of mind. There are seasons in a woman’s life, and we need to embrace the one we are in. There are roughly four seasons that we pass through:
Spring: Birth to mid-twenties. This is the time in our lives where you are being nourished, educated, and exploring all things new. It is a time for focusing on ourselves and discovering what we want out of life, as well as exploring our potential purpose.
This is a season of making mistakes and trying and failing. Discovery is the name of the game as we shape our characters and begin to format our futures.
We need to be taking advantage of every opportunity that is not permanently scaring or fatal. Say yes to as many opportunities as possible. Be intentional with activities. Trust your gut instincts—if it does not feel right or positive for you, walk away. Engage in activities on purpose that build confidence, self-esteem, and new experiences. Begin now to set healthy boundaries that protect your mind, your heart, and your body. Take time to be still. There is much to consider, and mind-wandering is essential to understanding what you think and feel.
Summer: (mid-twenties to mid-forties)
This is a time in your life for rewards, celebrations, and purpose. This season is about choosing paths for your life such as careers, getting married, building a family. It is a great time to begin setting goals or creating a bucket list of events you want to accomplish. This is a time to ask the hard questions: Who am I? Who do I want to be? What do I have to do to be that person? How far am I from that goal? What will my legacy be? This season is for starting new activities, searching for jobs you prefer or are interested in making a career, and building lasting relationships rather than doing what you had to do in the spring season to move forward.
This season brings about experience and some wisdom for taking risks for things you are passionate about. You have gained self-confidence and courage and are less distracted by emotional fatigue. You can maneuver through this season by being prepared for future events. Take the time to know who you are and your purpose. Being more mature, your decisions need to be more researched, planned and less seat-of-your pants impulsive. This season may include others that your decisions will affect so planning well will prevent mis-directions.
Take advantage of seasoned mentors and opportunities to grow personally, spiritually, and career wise.
Fall: (mid-forties to mid-sixties)
Autumn is a season for reflecting on past missteps and dealing with them head on. It is a time to consider survival for the future. Perhaps your momentum for ‘bucket list’ items is waning, and now is the time to revive them. This season is the perfect time to become the Titus woman who reaches out to mentor other women not quite as far down the path as you are. Your experiences can be vital to avoid pitfalls for others. It is also a time to reap the rewards of the planning and hard work you have done in the first two seasons of your life. It is a time to gather friends and family and lean into enjoying these precious moments. You may still be raising children, and now also caring for older parents. This season can also be known as the ‘sandwich’ season. You are probably still working and splitting your time between adult children, grandchildren, and aging parents. There may be times of loss with family and friends that will test your strength and stamina.
Embracing this season, you may enjoy new dreams, realizing old dreams like travel and new careers or even no career. You may be living a lifestyle that answers the past seasons question, “Now what?” Your age will inspire you to feel more contentment, gratitude, and a sense of satisfaction. You will like more about you than in your past seasons, and not take yourself so seriously. You will worry less what others think about you and focus more on what you think of you. Be sure to spend time taking care of yourself, investing in relationships and checking off bucket items. Take time to go to lunch with friends, change your outlook, and enjoy a sunrise or sunset. Buy that RV and travel. Do what you have always talked about doing and embrace each memory. Build experiences over things.
Winter: (mid-sixties to end of life)
When life turns to winter, it makes us remember and long for the past. However, this is equally a time to make a new new. This season can come with loss, health challenges and waning purpose but how you handle it can also be your greatest swan song.
You are probably slowing down a bit which makes you a perfect place for a grandchild or great grandchild to land. You may be the listening ear for a struggling teen, neighbor, or peer who has suffered loss. Life may be changing quickly around you but saying yes to new opportunities is still the strongest way to maneuver life.
You have the experience needed to weather most storms, and the wise counsel for others who have not. Naps, tea, and a good book are life’s treats to embrace for the day. Volunteering, sharing ideas, networking and entertaining are all gifts of this season.
These seasons of life are guidelines for embracing and then moving through transitions. Recognizing which season, we are in may help to alleviate our frustration that we should be doing more. When we are at the business of raising babies, it might not be the best time to have your energies scattered. Perhaps running for a political office is best saved for the fall of our lives when family is grown, and we have more time to devote.
I want to encourage the summer season to NOT buy into the pressures of the world that tells us we can have it all. You can, but there is a price to pay for attempting to have it all at the same time. Just like any project, even if we are highly organized, splitting focus means something (or someone) gets less than 100% attention. That means setting priorities and boundaries, so we know what gets our first attention, second attention and so on. I am not an advocate of quality time makes up for quantity of time. You cannot embrace a great exercise routine on Monday and expect to get the same results if you exercised five days a week, no matter how great a workout Monday was.
None of the things we have discussed have a right or wrong to them with one exception: if you are standing in someone else’s season, you are missing out on the fullness of who you are or are meant to be.
Wearing someone else’s lifestyle or personality or purpose will cause restless dissention in your spirit. You will continue to be ‘stuck’ in someone else’s interpretation of who you are. The world will be missing your uniqueness, and you may miss your calling in life.
Why am I so passionate about equipping women to discover their badass within? Because when you step out there and discover your strengths, find your voice and purpose, not only the world wins and your circle of influence, but you will settle into a quiet place of strength, peace, and an unshakeable knowledge that you are doing what you were designed do. When it is right, it feels like breathing. It sets your soul free in such a way you will feel excited and blessed to move through life day to day.
Being in sync with yourself, your talents, your personality and giftings is like winning the lottery, or the exuberance of falling in love, or witnessing a miracle. It is your soul’s way of saying, “I’m here, this is me and I know what I’m doing is what I was meant to do.”
Pick Up Your Sword
- What season are you in?
- Are there places in your life where you are living ‘out of season’? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
- What is your best energy time? _____________________________________________________________
- Are you a right-brain person or a left-brain individual? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
- Where are you out of sync with you? What can you do to align yourself? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
- Do you have moments of time for self-perspective? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
- If not, what can you do to take some time for yourself? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________